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church maintenance

Posted on August 29, 2015September 17, 2017 by Dot

Changing BulbsJerry Seinfeld is quoted as saying, “Political Correctness is ruining comedy.”

And he may be right. It seems no one can take a joke any more. Someone will be offended. Even if it’s none of their business.

If someone tells a joke about an old, fat, Methodist, moderate, forgetful, woman — and I don’t get angry — there are plenty of folks out there who will tell me I should. They will take up my cause for me, set social media on fire, and strive to ruin the speaker’s life. When all along I may have thought it was kinda funny.

There are many tender spots we can no longer joke about. Except Christians, of course. It’s pretty safe to make jokes about Christians — even cruel jabs in such bad taste one wouldn’t dare to make a similar utterance about any other religious group. But Christians must turn the other cheek. We rarely defend ourselves from jokes and for sure no one else is coming to our defense.

So, from The Lighter Side of Theology, I will reprint (with a bit of tweaking) this observance of how different Christian groups change light bulbs.

Charismatic: Only 1. Their hands are already in the air.

Presbyterian: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least 10. One to change the bulb and 9 to resist the change.

Mormons: 5. One man to change the bulb, and 4 wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don’t believe in change.

Mennonites: We don’t know for sure but we have 50 volunteers ready to roll.

United Methodists: A matter as simple as changing a light bulb does not need to go before the Charge Conference for approval. After the Trustees have given the okay to change the bulb and the Finance Committee has approved the purchase of the bulb, the Church Council may adopt a policy on the changing of light bulbs. This will happen with all due expediency, unless somewhere in the process a new pastor is appointed to this congregation. If this occurs, we need to start over and let the new pastor give input on any changes that are planned.

Amish: What’s a light bulb?

Category: Living my Life

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3 thoughts on “church maintenance”

  1. Pat Laster says:
    August 29, 2015 at 4:30 pm

    How funny!! Whoever came up with this is spot on. Uh, SEEMS spot on. TeeHee. Or is it “te-hee”? Whatever.

  2. Freeda Baker Nichols says:
    August 30, 2015 at 9:24 am

    Fun to read! Being a Baptist, I’m one of the 9 who resist change! LOL
    Enjoyed your post!

  3. Dorothy Johnson says:
    September 11, 2015 at 11:20 pm

    Cute and so true! Almost said, “Amen.” I get so tired of political correctness. I sometimes want to say, “Why do you think that is any of your business!” (As you can see, I’m catching up on my reading.)

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Dot Hatfield

Dot Hatfield

Dot Hatfield is a member of the Arkansas Writers Hall of Fame and a Certified Lay Speaker in the United Methodist Church. She is the author of 7 books.

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